Navigating the Grief of Divorce: You're Not Just Losing a Partner

As a divorce coach and therapist, I often hear people say things like,“I should be over it by now.”“I wanted the divorce—so why does it still hurt this much?”“I won't be able to move on.”

If any of this resonates with you, please know this: the grief of divorce is real, valid, and often more complex than people expect. It’s not just about the end of a relationship. It's about the loss of identity, routine, family structure, future dreams, and the emotional safety net you once knew.

Divorce Grief Is Real Grief

Even when divorce is the right choice—or a mutual one—it still involves loss. And just like any other significant loss, it brings a grieving process.

But unlike grief after a death, divorce grief is often unrecognized or minimized by others. There’s no funeral, no social rituals, no clear script for how to move through it. You may find yourself juggling heartbreak, co-parenting logistics, financial stress, and legal complications—all while being told to “move on.”

Grief doesn't follow a timeline, and it doesn't look the same for everyone.

What Are You Really Grieving?

When a marriage or relationship ends, people often find themselves mourning more than just the relationship:

• Loss of identity: You may no longer be someone’s spouse or partner.

• Loss of shared dreams: The future you pictured together may no longer exist.

• Loss of routine and stability: Even unhealthy routines can feel like anchors.

• Loss of extended family or community: Divorce can create ripple effects that impact friendships and in-laws.

• Loss of emotional security: You may feel uncertain, alone, or anxious about what's next.

• Anticipated loss of time with children:  there are often worries and concerns for the adaptability of children and how they will navigate living in two homes

This layered grief can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re also managing practical demands like parenting, finances, or relocation.

You Can Grieve and Still Grow

The goal isn’t to rush through the pain. It’s to move through it with awareness, care, and support.

Here’s what I often encourage clients to remember:

• You can feel heartbreak and relief. Both can be true.

• You’re allowed to miss your partner and know the relationship needed to end.

• You can feel lost now and still trust that clarity will return in time.

Grief doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human.

Support Makes a Difference

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Whether through individual therapy, divorce coaching, support groups, or trusted relationships, having a space to process your grief can make all the difference.

This kind of support helps you:

• Make sense of your emotions

• Release self-blame and shame

• Rebuild a sense of self

• Cope with co-parenting challenges

• Begin imagining a new chapter

Even if you’re the one who initiated the separation, your healing still matters.

Final Thoughts

Divorce grief is not a sign of weakness—it’s a reflection of all that this relationship meant to you. It's a testament to your capacity to care, to invest, and to envision a shared life.

As painful as this chapter may be, it’s also the beginning of something new. Not overnight. Not easily. But gradually, as you give yourself permission to feel, heal, and redefine what’s next.

If you’re walking through the grief of divorce, I’m here to support you—in person from my North Vancouver office, or virtually across British Columbia. Together, we can make space for your healing, your voice, and your future.