Top 5 Mistakes Separating Parents Make

1. Telling Children the “Truth” Too Soon or Too Harshly

Many parents feel compelled to tell their children the “truth” about the separation—especially if they feel wronged. However, sharing adult details or presenting one-sided narratives often causes more harm than good. Children process grief and change differently at every developmental stage.

What to do instead: Focus on age-appropriate, reassuring messages that affirm safety, stability, and love from both parents.

2. "Lawyering Up" Without Understanding Options

It’s natural to want legal protection during a separation. But immediately turning to adversarial legal channels can escalate conflict—and cost- both emotionally and financially. Parents sometimes hire lawyers without understanding alternatives such as co-parenting coaching, mediation, or collaborative divorce.

What to do instead: Consider starting with meeting with a Co-Parenting Counsellor or Divorce Coach to better understand your options, while keeping your children as the focus.

3. Trying to Create a Parenting Plan Without Professional Guidance

   
   

Parenting Plans aren't just about schedules—they’re about meeting your child’s emotional and developmental needs in two homes. DIY plans often overlook key areas like transitions, holidays, communication protocols, and future strategies to reduce conflict between parents.

What to do instead: Work with a parenting coach or mediator to co-create a thoughtful, customized Parenting Plan.

4. Sending Emotionally Charged Messages to a Co-Parent

When emotions are raw, it’s easy to hit “send” on a message you later regret. Emotional communication, especially in writing, can inflame tensions and create documentation that may be used in legal processes.

What to do instead: Pause before responding. Keep communication child-focused, brief, respectful, and neutral. When in doubt, get support.

5. Resisting Acceptance of Parenting Differences

No two parents will parent in exactly the same way. Some parents try to control what happens in the other home.   This can create stress for the child, and for you, as the parent!  It is understandable that you may be experiencing stress and anxiety, and getting support in how to manage this can help you and your children long term. 

What to do instead: Learn to tolerate reasonable parenting differences while holding boundaries around core values and safety. Children benefit from seeing their parents manage conflict and difference respectfully.

Navigating Change with Care

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Mistakes are human—but with the right guidance, some separating parents can move from conflict to collaboration, and build a more stable foundation for their children.  If you are not able to move to collaboration, there are many strategies that you can utilize to support yourself and your children moving forward.  There is hope and a path forward!

Looking for support? I offer in-person sessions in North Vancouver (Marine & Capilano) and virtual services across British Columbia. Let’s work together to create a path that supports your children—and you.